Dating For Science

Anonymous asked: Hi, I like you page a lot. I'm new to online dating, and dating in general and I was wondering... Have you ever started a conversation with someone online and liked them instantly, but knew they were definitely the type of person who could hurt you (emotionally)? How do you deal with that?

What a question!

First off, thank you for reading. Since you are new to  online dating and dating in general, you should probably read every single post on this blog. If you don’t have the time to do that, I can sum everything up in one sentence for you:

Trust your gut, be kind, and tell someone where you’re going.

What you are describing above - starting a conversation with someone you know could potentially hurt you - is pretty much how every single relationship begins, whether we understand that at the time or not. The truth of the matter is: everyone we come in contact with has the ability to hurt us in some way.

Taking a leap of faith and opening yourself up to heart break is one of the most terrifying and rewarding experiences you can have when it comes to dating. Sometimes it works out. Oftentimes it does not.

That’s why they make ice cream and streaming media and friends.

So, to answer your question: I deal with it by realizing it is a normal part of the experience. I enter into each situation with curiosity and flexibility and if something seems like trouble, I get out. Usually. Sometimes I stay for the trouble - because I learned that’s something I do - but usually it isn’t worth it. Except for that one time…

In some ways I think that if there isn’t a little part of you that is scared of what may happen if the person you are with suddenly doesn’t want to be with you, you might not be with the right person.

Vulnerability is so scary. But also so sexy. 

Also, I’ve learned more about myself during break-ups than I have while in a relationship and, in my opinion, that’s made each relationship about 600% more valuable than it originally was. So there’s that.

Good luck!

Happy Endings

Sometimes I need to remind myself that happy endings are real and they do happen. And some days that is easier than others. But then some days, you have really awesome followers to remind you. This is one of those days. V- take it away:

Hi! I would like to contribute my true story of online dating.

I always told myself I would NEVER do the online dating thing. Flashback to a little over 3 years ago, I was newly single - I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship with an undercover asshole. But that’s a different story. Anyway, I noticed my male co-worker on this dating site called Ok Cupid. I was curious about it because he said he went out and met some cool people. He convinced me to create a profile and see what happens. So, reluctantly I did. At first I got a lot of weird, sexual messages that I had NO interest in. Call me old school but I’m the kind of girl who needs to get to know the guy and feel something before even thinking about sex. (Editor’s note: this is not old school - this is normal.)

Then after about 3 months of going on a few uninteresting dates, this very handsome guy winked at me. So I winked back. Then he messaged me a very honest message about himself. I read on his profile he was looking for a committed relationship. Hmm… Intriguing I thought. We messaged back and forth for the rest of the night before he finally asked for my phone number. We texted for a day or two before he asked me to meet up with him Friday night. Friday night I went out to dinner with my BFF and we had a little too many margaritas. I told her my plans to meet with the Ok Cupid guy and she of course wanted to join in. 

Truthfully, it was the first time I was actually nervous to meet someone I met off the internet. He just seemed too good to be true so I was very skeptical. He was kind, handsome and successful. From what I knew at the time, that rarely existed and there had to be something wrong with him. Well my BFF and I headed to one of our fav bars and waited for Ok Cupid guy to show. About 10 minutes later, in walks this handsome guy who walks straight over to me and gives me a hug and introduces himself as Ok Cupid guy. He was nice and we talked for a bit. My BFF had to grill him with questions but it all went well. We decided to go to another bar where I danced very seductively on him. 

By the end of the night I was drunk and we made out. The next day I was feeling some regret about how I made out with him. I usually did not kiss on the first date. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression but I thought oh well I guess we’ll see. Later that day he texted me and asked me to go out on a real date with him. He suggested dinner and a scary movie. I was happy to say yes.

 After a few months of dating I knew this guy was it for me. He was everything I didn’t know I was looking for and more. He told me he loved me rather quickly and things for us just clicked. 

Fast forward to about a year later he proposed.

Then the following year we got married. 

It’s now been almost a year since we’ve been married and to this day my family thinks we met at a bar. I wanted to share my story with you and your readers, I don’t know what you all are looking for but I wanted to let you know once you sort through all the assholes, it is possible to meet a good guy who you can have a future with. I really enjoy your blog! Thanks!!! 

Thank you for sharing your story V!

Anonymous asked: Hey I really love your blog! Anyways I recently joined Seeking Arrangement. I'm a 18 year old college student , and tomorrow I'm meeting my first "older " guy . I'm a bit nervous , any advice ? ( I picked a public place in case anything bad were to happen )

I operate on the buddy system: tell a friend where you are going and make sure to check in with them to let them know how it’s going, if you head to his house or a different location, etc. It’s always good to make sure someone you trust knows where you are.

If you’re having a good time- awesome! They’ll be happy to hear it. On the flip side, if you wanna get out of there, you have an excuse and a co-conspirator.

And always trust your gut :)

Have fun!